"Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself."
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Thursday, April 16, 2009

He's gone.

My sweet, sweet baby is gone. He died in my arms while I was visiting him at the vet yesterday. I am very thankful that I was able to be w/ him at the end but it was sooo hard. And I couldn't give him up, even after he was gone. We sat there for almost an hour & I stroked his silky fur, knowing that it was going to be the last time & that when he left my arms, I would never hold him again.


He was an extraordinary dog & there will never be another one like him. I already miss him soooo much & I wonder how I'll get through the days w/out him. Everywhere I look there are reminders of him....painful reminders that he's not here anymore. And every time I hear the chihuahuas' tags jingle, I think it's him. When I woke up this morning, the first thing I did was reach for him (it's the first thing I do every morning).....and he wasn't there & the knowledge that's he's enevr going to be there sent me into inconsolable tears.


I don't mean to be melodramatic but he was such an integral part of my days....of my life ..... & I feel like a large piece of me went w/ him. Hubby tells me that I need to draw comfort from one of the chi's but I told him that would be like having another man try to comfort me instead of him. I wouldn't feel comforted by another man's arms around me & I won't feel comforted by another dog, even if it's a dog I love. My love for Gizzy, my need for Gizzy, went way beyond that.


This si one of my favorite pics of him....his tongue hung out like that almost all the time. He was the bravest, most considerate, loyal, loving little dog I have ever known & he will be sooo missed.


I'll be allright, it's just going to take some time. I want to thank you all for your prayesr & support & I will get around to thanking you all personally when I am up to it. But I'll be avoiding my house (except to sleep) for at least a week or so....I just feel so alone in it w/ Gizzy not here.

33 comments:

Kathleen Ellis said...

I'm thinking of you...it will get better!
hugs~

Terri and Bob said...

Oh Cami, I am thinking of you and sending hugs over the waves.

Ginger said...

Oh Cami, when I saw the title of the post, I knew you lost your precious Gizzy and my heart sank. I understand everything you are feeling, I went through the same thing a few years ago when my doberman died. I still tear up when I think of him.
Take your time and grieve, and I hope the pain will lesson for you eventually.
Ginger

Rose Haven said...

Awwwwwwwww sweetie...we're still praying for you!

HUGS...

Jan

Mid-Atlantic Martha said...

I'm so sorry. They do become full members of our family and even though we know that they'll only be with us a short time...it doesn't make the goodbye any easier. He'll always be in your heart.

Really Rainey said...

Oh Cami... Tears are streaming down my cheeks right now... I know how you feel and i feel your pain and loss... I lost my black Lab 5 days after my Mother passed away about 5 years ago... And my other Dog, Gadget... well we are inseparable, like you and Gizzy were. She is always at me feet... even in the potty she is there... waiting... and when I take her to get groomed and she is gone all afternoon I miss her so MUCH! Oh Cami... I'm So sorry... I'll pray for strength to help you through this!
Love and Light
~Really Rainey~

Bobbi Jo said...

I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet little puppy! That is so sad. I will pray for your comfort. Big hugs across the miles, Bobbi Jo

Melissa Miller said...

Cami I completely understand....:(

I had both of my Shih-szu boys Teddy and Bear for fifteen years. They died five years ago within a month of each other.
Part of me died with them.

It's really awful and so sad to lose our beloved pets.
They truly are family members.

I'll be thinking of you and sending prayers your way.
~Melissa

Barb @ GritsandGlamour said...

Dearest Cami - you're not being melodramatic one ounce, you are being human and you are in pain. am crying as I read this.
I am so sorry your sweet baby has passed. I know you are hurting.

I am in the process of trying to save one of my preciuos fur babies. She is diabetic and she i suffering, but I am not ready to let her go yet. I know thats selfish.

I hurt for you my friend. I hope you can find peace in the coming days.

Hugs, Barb

tam said...

Oh Cami,
I am so very sorry for your loss.
I know that at this time there is really nothing anyone can say to make you feel better. You are right it is going to take time. I will be praying that you will be comforted as you heal. And know that little Gizzy's spirit is always with you-he is your angel now! Big Hugs-Tam

Queenie's Vintage Finds and Treasures said...

Oh Cami,
I am so sorry about your precious Gizzy...you are in my thoughts and prayers...
A Big Hug,
Queenie~

Katy said...

Cami, my dear friend, let me sit and cry with you. I understand your pain and know the depths that it can reach in our heart.

He sounds like such a sweet, wonderful baby, and you are a good and loving friend to him as well. He knows you love him. He was comforted by your loving presence in those last moments, and how his spirit rests with you.

Hugs, Dearest Lady.

salmagundi said...

Cherish your good memories, and take your time to grieve. Sally

ceekay said...

I am truly sorry. Take time and grieve for him, and then all the memories will be even more precious.

HoneyB said...

Oh Cami, I am so sorry to hear this although I expected to ... it is never hard to lose a pet that you are so attached to. I remember losing Peabody and how I cried and cried over it. They are our companions and although another pet may come in and take our hearts again, those that we lost are never forgotten! Hugs to you!

laurie @ bargain hunting said...

Cami, I'm in tears for you. I am so sad to read this. You will be in my prayers. laurie

Carrie said...

Cami I am so sorry...

Knitty said...

My condolences to you. May your heartache lessen and sweet memories sustain you.

Scooterblu's Whimsy~Rhonda said...

So sorry for your loss! He was a precious little dog! ~hugs, Rhonda :)

Joyfulsister said...

((((HUgz)))) MY sister,
How else can we feel when our fur babies who become forever as part of our family, in fact they become just like our own kids. I know it will be hard please know I'm praying for you and may peace fill your soul, knowing you all loved him, took are of him, and loved him!!!!!

Hugz Lorie

Shelia said...

Oh, Cami! I'm so sorry! I too understand your heartbreak and want you to know I'm praying for you, Dear One!
Blessings,
Shelia ;)

Linda said...

I'm so sorry, Cami.

Brenda@CoffeeTeaBooks said...

Oh, it is truly as bad as losing a human member of the family!

I still grieve the loss of my Storm, our kitty who was 16 when we had to have her put to sleep after a stoke in 2007.

Her sister had a mini stroke last week. We were so relieved that she recovered but at 18, we know she could have a fatal stroke like her litter mate.

I know it may sound strange but I truly believe our furry loved ones will be with us in Heaven.

Lisa (aka) French said...

Cami I know how difficult this is for you...it will get easier...sending hugs your way;;;French;)

Karen said...

Dear Cami, Somehow I found my way to your blog today and I am so very sorry that you've lost your sweet puppy. I am a big dog lover and I have been through it. It is so hard. Try to keep in mind the many years of love and happiness Gizzy gave you. You will cherish those memories forever. Warmly, Karen

suzeeez said...

I am sooo sorry....I know exactly how you feel because I've been there before and I said..."never again" ....I know it hurts so much......but now I have two more little fur ball dogs....I love them like they are my children. Again .... my heart goes out to you.
Sue

Marfa said...

I found your blog a couple of days ago and this the first post I read. I almost didn't comment, feeling like I am intruding. But I want you to know that I fully empathize with you. I lost my little Yankee about three years ago and I am not over it, never will be. In my house, he is always missed and we still find it very difficult to even talk about him. He was not a pet, he was a family member. My bf got me another doggie two years later. Up until then I couldn't even think of another dog, I felt like I was betraying Yankee's memory. Besides, no other dog could ever replace him. Fortunately, Dixie is completely different, in breed and especially in personality. She carved her own place in the family. But Yankee's place will never be filled by anyone. So as you can see, I fully understand. In time, you will be able to think of your precious baby and remember the good times and not feel like you're being torn to shreds. But don't let anything or anyone rush you through your grief.

LadyJayPee said...

I just found out about Gizzy, Vinty. I am so very sorry for your loss.

ann said...

Cami i am so very sorry.i have felt your pain too many times.it hurts so badly.
i know you said no other can take his place.and they NEVER eill,but PLEASE thank about another.please.so many need a home and love that you can offer.it will help you heal,i promise.
again i am so sorry.here's a HUGE cyber hug...ann

Mimi said...

I will tell you first hand what it's like to lose a dog that has become your heart...the pain will ebb and flow...forever. There are dogs that I have lost in my life who still shadow my thoughts. When I speak of them...I cry...still.

You will heal, to an extent, but I sense your deep pain and know your sorrow.

Someday you will add another little one to your life and home. He won't be the one you lost but he will make you smile, make you love again and make you believe that the one you lost had something to do with the one you are learning to love.

susan said...

Oh Cami..your sweet baby. My heart hurts for you. My Jessie does her tongue exactly like that. I will pray for you and hope that you can feel not only His love but ours as well.

Sandra~Romantique Inspirations~ said...

Oh, This is very hard,- I am so sorry to hear about your little guy. My heart goes out to you in a big way. I have been there so many times, and its the hardest thing to get over. I'm glad that you were able to put your love into another great dog. This is what its all about to share the love we have and to give them our best. Bless you Cami

Sending a big hug out to you--

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