"Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself."

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

There will never be another Gizzy ....

but Cutie Rudy is pretty special too.

click to enlarge if you want a good look at an adorable face

I have always planned on getting another shih tzu puppy, after Gizzy's death, but I never thought it would be so soon after his passing. I have mourned the imminent loss of Gizzy for 3 years (that's how long the vet has said that he was on borrowed time) & since September of last year, I knew he didn't have much longer. So I have had my time to grieve but I didn't think my heart would be open to another so soon. But 2 days after Gizzy died, I woke up feeling sooo blue...just like I had every morning since he had been in the hospital. There have been many required stays, in the years since Gizzy was diagnosed, but I knew he was not coming home this time.

Anyway, I woke up feeling so sad & so lonely & so bereft but after having a good cry, I was overcome w/ a sense of urgency to look in the paper... to see if the people we got Gizzy from, might have another litter available. Nevermind that it was 12 years ago, that I don't recall their names nor exactly where they live. I was filled w/ a sense of urgency to look for an ad from them in the online classifieds. Crazy, I know!

I couldn't, of course, tell whether any of the ads were made by the breeders of Gizzy. There were many ads w/ pictures of many puppies & I didn't feel any tugs at my heartstrings but when I locked eyes on this little bugger, I lost my heart right there. We drove 70 miles to see him & as soon as I picked him up, he buried his head in teh hollow of my throat & I knew he was the one for me. He's a brindle & white 9 week old...he's a singleton (he was the only one in the litter) & he thinks he's the shiht. *grins* His mother was old & they didn't think she could have any more pups...she mated w/ the male stud they have & only the one pup was born. He has SUCH personality... a more precocious pup I have never seen & he is used to getting his way. Luckily, I'm a long-time watcher of the Dog Whisperer! ;o)

I am flooded w/ memories of Gizzy at that age (he reminds me so much of him!) but strangely, I am not overwhelmed w/ the feelings of enormous loss that I was before. He's enabling me to remember Gizzy & think of him, w/out feeling like my heart is being pulled out. He will never replace Gizzy. Gizzy was & will always be, "the best damn doggie in the history of the world!" but I have a feeling that Rudy is going to rank pretty high too.

I really appreciate all of your support...I cried reading your comments. Mimi, in particular, left one that really struck a chord, "He won't be the one you lost but he will make you smile, make you love again and make you believe that the one you lost had something to do with the one you are learning to love."

You are sooo right Mimi....what a difference a puppy makes!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

He's gone.

My sweet, sweet baby is gone. He died in my arms while I was visiting him at the vet yesterday. I am very thankful that I was able to be w/ him at the end but it was sooo hard. And I couldn't give him up, even after he was gone. We sat there for almost an hour & I stroked his silky fur, knowing that it was going to be the last time & that when he left my arms, I would never hold him again.

He was an extraordinary dog & there will never be another one like him. I already miss him soooo much & I wonder how I'll get through the days w/out him. Everywhere I look there are reminders of him....painful reminders that he's not here anymore. And every time I hear the chihuahuas' tags jingle, I think it's him. When I woke up this morning, the first thing I did was reach for him (it's the first thing I do every morning).....and he wasn't there & the knowledge that's he's enevr going to be there sent me into inconsolable tears.

I don't mean to be melodramatic but he was such an integral part of my days....of my life ..... & I feel like a large piece of me went w/ him. Hubby tells me that I need to draw comfort from one of the chi's but I told him that would be like having another man try to comfort me instead of him. I wouldn't feel comforted by another man's arms around me & I won't feel comforted by another dog, even if it's a dog I love. My love for Gizzy, my need for Gizzy, went way beyond that.

This si one of my favorite pics of him....his tongue hung out like that almost all the time. He was the bravest, most considerate, loyal, loving little dog I have ever known & he will be sooo missed.

I'll be allright, it's just going to take some time. I want to thank you all for your prayesr & support & I will get around to thanking you all personally when I am up to it. But I'll be avoiding my house (except to sleep) for at least a week or so....I just feel so alone in it w/ Gizzy not here.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

I haven't disappeared again....

I'm just too sad to post. My beloved shih tzu, Gizzy, is not doing well, not well at all. His vet says "it's not looking good". I don't think I have discussed it here on my blog but Gizzy has chronic renal failure (his kidneys are only functioning @ 15 to 25%) . Since being diagnosed over 3 years ago, he has only been able to eat his prescription foods & we have to give him subcutaneous injections (we use the last method w/ the bag...allowing it to drip into Gizzy), every other day, to flush out the toxins that his kidneys cannot. If he doesn't seem to be feeling well, then we give him the fluids every day.

He's been a real trooper & has been doing wonderfully but now his renal failure has progressed to the point that he's very anemic w/ extreme weakness & loss of appetite & his kidney values are "off the charts high". His vet says that there's still a bit of hope if his kidney values have risen in response to the anemia. But if we get his anemia under control (he's already had a blood transfusion & will probably require another) & his values remain high then his kidneys are just done & there's nothing we can do.

I love this little doggie almost as if I had given birth to him myself. In fact, I have often been caught saying, "when I brought Gizzy home from the hospital" or "when I had Gizzy". He's more than my little doggie...he's my security blanket. When everything is all crappy or when I am emotionally tore up over something, I always think, "I'm going to go home & snuggle w/ my doggie & everything will be allright for a few minutes". Now I'm terribly distraught & he's not there to make me feel better. I haven't been spending much time at home this week because the house w/out him, seems so empty & I feel so alone.

I hesitate to ask for prayers because I asked so much of God last year & Gizzy is just an old dog w/ lots of health issues & I have already been granted 3 extra years w/ him. But yet, I am sooo not ready to lose him.

Here's my beautiful, little brave soldier.

And a picture of he & I together, while we were on vacation in Fredericksburg last year.

I probably won't be blogging for a week or two...whatever happens. If he makes it & comes home from the hospital, then I will be tending to him. If he doesn't...then I won't be in any shape to post. But I do promise to let y'all know if he passes on. So for now, no news is good news.

Monday, April 6, 2009

3 or More Tuesday...carrots

Hi & welcome to 3 or More Tuesday...hosted by Tam @ The Gypsy's Corner . She has a wonderful blog & it's a fun way to see lots of diverse collections. Today, I am sharing my carrot collection. Carrots & bunnies are a natural combo so for the past couple of years, I have been picking up carrot stuff to use in my Easter decor.

My favorite carrots are these little crocheted ones that I hang from my dining room chandelier. I also swagged some pearl garland & added tulle bows.

I had one left over so it hangs out in this little bone china footed bowl w/ a couple of faux eggs.

A close second as my favorites, are the beaded pillows I got @ Ross, Marshall's or TJ Maxx (those stores are all the same so I get them confused) last year. Check out the pearl momogram pillow that I made. I stole the idea from Queenie @ Queenie's Vintage Finds & Treasures. I used a $2 thrift store pillow then layered an old lace-edged hankie & a super-old crocheted edge doily, glueing the pearl garland on the doily beforehand. No sewing involved...I just glued everything on w/ Fabric Tac. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this pillow! Thanks for the idea Queenie! I alos made the pearl monogramed platter that she shared w/ us. I'll share my version w/ y'all later in the week when I share all the rest of my Easter decor.

A twine-trimmed carrot hangs out w/ a crackle finish bunny I got @ Cracker Barrel last year. I bought a pair of them actually...the other is on my mantel.

Bunny & carrot S & P shakers.

And last but not least, a teeny-tiny paper mache carrot in my mini-curio.

Hope you enjoyed my collection of carrots...there are lots more collections being shared over @ Tam's...come w/ me to see them all.

This time I'm really back.

Well! I took a much longer blogging break than I had anticipated. And it turned into a total break from the puter. It seems I had a virus that got past my virus scan. I kept getting a "internet explorer needs to close notice"...just seconds after the window opened. I didn't even have time to open my inbox or blog or anything. At first, I didn't sweat it...thinking that it would be very good for my self-imposed exile. But after a couple of weeks, I was ready for some puter time....& my puter guy was away on vacation. *gasp* Once he got back, it took some time to fit me in so my short break turned out to be a long break. I haven't posted, on purpose, in over a month but I did have a couple of scheduled posts that posted while I was away. Guess that'll teach me to save them as drafts instead of scheduling them, huh?

I am deleting the "2nd time around" post I had up since there weren't any words w/ the post to explain anything. That alone should have tipped y'all off. I mean, we all know that I can be kind of wordy sometimes & to post w/out saying a thing...wellll, that is just highly out of character for me. ;o) I'll repost it next week for 2nd time around Tuesday & I'll add explanations to the post.

It's good to be back...I've missed everybody & am in need of a springtime fix. Of all the times for me to be gone, it would have to be near Easter...I bet I've missed out on scads of inspiration. It'll take me some time to make the rounds to everybody but I'll be around to see you all soon...hope you're all doing well.

I do have lots of Easter decor to share & will post a lot of pictures this week. But just so I don't have a post w/out pictures, here's a pic of my 3 youngest grands. Baby Noah recently had a sleep-over w/ his cousins & his Aunt ShiShi snapped a pajama pic. Love the way Caralyn is holding Noah's hand!